(the story takes place in an old town, the year was 2312 the people of here only have the technology of the 2010. also the boy mentioned in the legend he was 1
chapter 1:discovery
there was once a legend about a boy with white eyes. at 2112 when the earth was threatened, the boy stood up, and fought against it. neither side won, they both died. but, his familys history didn't stop there.he had a child, but didn't carry on his gift, but, soon a boy in this time will discover he has that power. could he call this a blessing...or a curse?

"i'm heading off to school" a boy about the age of 16 said, he had red hair, going down 1/3 of his back. he had green eyes and wore a white t-shirt. he had on blue jeans.
"be careful deven, they say muggings, and shooting have come up because of that gang"his mom said to him before he left.
"i know, i'll be careful.bye"the boy said after walking out. "man, those punks even hurt some of my friends. i'll try and avoid contact with them"the boy says to himself as he begins to reach his school. he put his most of stuff away and got his things."in this school, it seems theres never anything happening"the boy thinks to himself as he walks into class. at third period, he felt....werid."thats odd, wonder whats up.OUCH!"the boy yelps
"is something wrong?"his teacher asks
"ahah, er, nothing"he responds"what was that?"he thinks to himself
at the switch of class, he sees some people ganging up on someone of a lower grade."hey! PUNKS!"deven yells as he punchs the leader and kicks the two idiots who joined him
"what the hell are you doing!"the leader said
"i'm kicking your ass! insted of beating up some freshman, try having some morals"deven screams
"you don't know who we are! see what you get for stoping us!"they scream as they run.
"bunch of punks"deven mutters"are you alright?"
"yea....."the kid says
"whats wrong?"deven says
"those guys were from that gang"he says as deven stands there shocked
"oh....now i'm in deep."deven says. he looks at his watch."i missed forth period"deven yelps as he runs to 5th. the rest of his day was normal.
he began walking home. a fire truck passed by"we have had those alot"he says to himself. he kept walking and saw the flames on his street"hmmmm?"deven says. he kept walking and saw the fire....was on his house."MOM!"he screams as he rushed to his house where the fire men were struggling to put out the fire. all deven could do was stand there. after the fire was out, the house was just gone. the only thing that survived the fire, was a picture of his mom. the only thing that left the house, was a body bag. deven just walked into the ashes."those......bastards..."deven said as tears rushed down his face, he curled up in the fetal position and stayed their and slept. he dreamed about what pain she must have endured. he heard a scream and opened his eyes. his arms were covered in blood and 3 dead bodies laid before him. the bodies were the ones that picked on that kid."what.....has happened.

i got bored and wrote this. tell me how it is. chapter 2 will be posted soon, after all its a three day weekend here, so it will be VERY soon.

good...

but

i didn't quite understand it.

here are some parts didn't understand:

1. at 2112 when the earth was threatened, the boy stood up, and fought against it - threatened by what? nd who'd they fight?

but overall it was

NICE


_________________

moon_marker wrote:

welcome to the CU forums.. blah.. blah.. blah.. you're in, congrats

moon_marker wrote:

good...

but

i didn't quite understand it.

here are some parts didn't understand:

1. at 2112 when the earth was threatened, the boy stood up, and fought against it - threatened by what? nd who'd they fight?

but overall it was

NICE

those things....will be reviled in later chapters. XP

your thoughts on the story seem a bit cluttered. but....um.....whatever.

chapter 2:relization

"wait...what just happened."deven says as he hears footsteps
a man with long yellow hair was behind him. he looked about the age of 23. he was wearinh a long black cloak, and on the inside of it he had on all black. he was about 6 ft. "hi there deven."the man said approaching him.
"WHO ARE YOU!"deven yells
"now now, calm down."the man says"do you know the legend of the white iris?"
"of course, its what has caused this town, and many others to be seperated from the outside world"deven says a little calmer.
"you know, the threat.....is still around." the man said in a voice that would send a shiver down anyones spine"and a new 'hero' is also here"
"huh?"deven said confused
"we have a sample of your blood. your his 10 generations great granson"
"who are you"deven said
"my name is honen, and you are his relitive"honen said
"i am!?"deven said surprised"but my pupils-"
"i thought having my thugs killing your mom would set off the legendary iris, it did"he said as deven punched him. devens hand hurt, the man wasn't hurt at all."didn't i tell you the threat was still around" the man tried grabbing deven, insted poked both of devens eyes
"OW!"deven yelped as he backed away. then when he opened his eyes....they were white, he streched out his right arm and it became white. it was like watching a god. his hair became white and angle wings came out from his back.
"so, you've awakened. i might as well go to fight him, after all, i'm the black iris"he said as he poked his eyes. the oppisite happened to him. it was as if agod and a demon were about to fight. they flew to each other about to fight!

keep the

story going

it's finally getting

(kinda) exciting.

wonder what's gonna happen next?




_________________

moon_marker wrote:

welcome to the CU forums.. blah.. blah.. blah.. you're in, congrats

honen threw a punch at deven and he threw the arm up and kicked honen in the stomach. honen flew up and shot three rays of darkness. deven dodged the two and countered the third. honen began chargeing up a ball of energy as deven turned his right arm into a white sword. as honen threw the ball deven slashed it in half and tried attacking honen. honen grabbed the blade and tried putting his evil in it. but deven got his sword losse and flew to the ground and 10 strong rays of light shot out and hit honen.
"i got my info, i know your back and strong"honen said as he flew away.
deven changed back and went into town and found a pay phone. he inserted coins and called his father and sister, who was 1 year younger. to his dismay, his sister picked up.
"hello, may i ask who this is?"devens sister said
"hi.....emma...."deven said
"oh! hi deven, how are things at home"emma asked
this made a little quiver at deven"mom-ms...."
"what? whats wrong with mom?"emma said worried.
"MOMS DEAD!"he shouted as he slammed the phone down on the hook. he couldn't bear hearing her cry. emma couldn't belive it...she just broke down.
deven walked to a grassy field where you could see the whole town. he touched both of his eyes and he turned into the angle and shouted"HONEN I WILL KILL YOU!"
down in an alley way. honen smirked and said"its begun."

I think 'Hell's Gate' would be a good title for this.


_________________
Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong

Team_180B wrote:

I think 'Hell's Gate' would be a good title for this.

Sounds like a great title but something tells me it will flop.


_________________
Big Wigs Productions

i rite storis i will put them here soon

Fullerman wrote:

i rite storis i will put them here soon

Please, God no.


_________________

tat6789 wrote:

i gave this job to Team because I know he doesn't have a soul.

Please Fullerman, please post your stories.


_________________
Tell me how he died.

I will tell you how he lived.

Yeah, ignore Pads. We must encourage new talent.


_________________
Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong

ok the first chapter is up tell me wat u think