A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''

Coincidence the other house had a gun in the desk?

No.


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Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong

i heard that joke before...

its a lot funnier when you are drunk.

i laughed. thats all that needs to be said.

That joke is great, but I heard it like, literally 10 years ago.


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Tell me how he died.

I will tell you how he lived.

A pirate was hangin out at his favorite tavern when suddenly a bunch a kid asked him why got a wooden leg, a hook for a right hand and an eye patch. The pirate said that he got the wooden leg when he was bit by a shark, the hook was when he was bit by a crocodile and the eye patch was when he got dust on his eyes and he forgot that he had a hook for a hand.


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moon_marker wrote:

welcome to the CU forums.. blah.. blah.. blah.. you're in, congrats

I understand what this guy is going through. A bunch a kid frequently ask me questions too.


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Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong

A man is given one wish and he can have anything he wants but what ever he gets his neighbour will get twice as much. After a long pause that man says "I want to be beaten half to death!"


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Why does he want to murder his neighbour? That's horrible.


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Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong

Team_180B wrote:

Why does he want to murder his neighbour? That's horrible.

This coming from the man that would quite happily burn a woman's house down.

Team_180B wrote:

Turn her away politely and torch her house later on.

And stereotypical people dislike thier neighbours.


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There are three too many Team quotes in the last post.


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Lifes a garden, so dig it.

There are not enough.


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Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong

there will never be enough


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~One day a father told his son "son, if you don't stop masturbating you'll go blind". Then his son said "Dad, i'm right over here".

~Snake_1: dude are we poisonous?
Snake_2: why?
Snake_1: i bit my tongue and i'm a kinda scared

~A pessimisst sees the glass half empty, an optimist sees the glass half full, a drunk man says "are you going to drink that?"


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moon_marker wrote:

welcome to the CU forums.. blah.. blah.. blah.. you're in, congrats

How do you makle a stupid joke thread not suck ass? You can't. By the way we already have an old dusty joke room, Shabaz' joke distillery. What ever happened to that little wiener?


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