Here it is again. Because I think this forum needs some sprucing. So here is some spruce.

Volume One

The year is 2007. The global political climate has forced radical upheaval upon the Governments of the world. Not spared from this time of great revolution was the United States. Great panic and fear swept the nation, forcing Congress to pass legislation which societies of the past would have deemed insane.
One such law was that whereby if a citizen assassinated an employee of the Federal Government, that individual would automatically assume the position of the deceased employee. This Bill extends to high-ranking employees as the President of the United States, who supported the bill in its infant stages, reasoning:

"If anyone had the guts to take…my guts…in their garters…I would r-rest assured, that that terrorist killer…wouldn’t be able to fill the gap left in my big boots...m-my cowboy boots…T-Texas…"

This rather cryptic excerpt from President G.W Bush’s spurred Florida Penguin ‘Beaky Todd’ to escape from the Central Florida Zoological Park for its once-in-a lifetime shot at the Presidency.
‘Beaky Todd’ managed to procure a vintage Bi-Plane from an airstrip and pilot it to Washington. The Penguin was able to crash the aircraft safely in the pool opposite the West Wing of the White House. It should be known that the White House is restricted airspace, but was not shot down due to an oversight in which it was mistaken for an aircraft in the U.S Air Force fleet, which, after recent cutbacks was reduced to Penguins flying bi-planes.

‘Beaky Todd’ hopped out of his plane and made his way toward the historic Oval Office.
President Bush sat working at his desk when he heard a voice. It was a female voice.
‘Mr. President, you have a ‘Beaky Todd’ to see you now.’
Without looking up, the President responded.
‘’Beaky Todd’? I’m not seeing any-’
As the President looked up he saw the Penguin, a master of human voice mimicry.
A scuffle ensued, but President Bush came off second best due to the Penguins colossal strength and cunning.
Hearing the ruckus the President’s personal Aide rushed in to find the slain President on the floor, and a bloodied Penguin sitting at the Resolute Desk.

Hours later ‘Beaky Todd’ was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States.
In his first action as President, ‘Beaky Steve’ ate fish and swam in water.

Hours later the Earth was destroyed by an enormous meteor.


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Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong

Not bad, the ending was too predictable tough.

Not bad, but a good sandwich is way better.


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Well done.


Penguins must not be underestimated.


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Tell me how he died.

I will tell you how he lived.

Volume 2, Part I

A play by Team Gribble-Chan.

Fade lights in to find a small apartment. Pizza boxes and various other trashes adorn the floor. Clothes are strewn sporadically on furniture. Two men sit in armchairs; they are moderately messy 20 somethings. They are Kevin and Steve.

Kevin: So he did the first one and not the second one?

Steve: No he did the first and second but not the third.

Kevin: Why not?

Steve: Because he wanted to do something different. He did a movie called uhh ‘Naked Lunch’.

Kevin: Naked Lunch?

Steve: Yeah.

Kevin: That a porn?

Steve: No man, not a porn.

Kevin: Oh…well…probably a good thing…RoboCop 3 sucked pretty bad.

Steve: It was alright…I mean, it had some redeeming features…

Kevin: Like what?

Steve:…he had that jetpack.

The apartment door opens and through it walks an obese man who the audience recognizes as Brad, as he loudly yells his name as he walks in the door in his thick Boston accent.

Brad: BRAAAAD.

Steve and Kevin: Hey Brad.

Brad: Hey hey! What’s goin’ on?

Steve: Ahh not much man, Kevin and I were just about to kiss.

10 minutes of silence follow as Brad, stunned, believes Steve to be serious. A smirk eventually breaks out on Steve and Kevin’s faces as Brad catches on.

Brad: Aw cram it you guys!

Kevin: Ahahaha. Hey Brad, you gonna watch the big game with us tonight?

Brad: Ah no man I can’t, I gotta murder some broad who accused me of sexually assaulting her that one time.

Steve: Yeah we’ve all been there.

Brad: Hey listen, that reminds me, can I borrow those wicked-hot sneakers? I’m going runnin’ in the morning.

Steve: Oh sure Pal they’re in the back.

Brad: Hey thanks.

Brad walks into the next room, off stage, and soon re-emerges holding the sneakers and a Bronze Scimitar

Brad: Hey man can I borrow your Scimitar?

Steve: Oh sure man, go right ahead.

Brad: Thanks pal. Well I gotta hit the road, this broad aint gonna put herself on ice if you know what I’m sayin’.

Kevin: Yeah you gotta kill the-

Brad: Yeah I gotta kill the broad…well…Seeya.

Brad exits the apartment, off stage. Beats of silence pass.

Kevin:…So you wanna make-out?

Steve: Yes I do.

Fade to black to ZZ Top – La Grange


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Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong

meh


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it has potetial. if it had an all star cast then it outa rank up with the best of em. But most plays these days tend to have more then one scene, and you know... stuff... but meh.

Wasman wrote:

it has potetial. if it had an all star cast then it outa rank up with the best of em. But most plays these days tend to have more then one scene, and you know... stuff... but meh.

Well you see it's quite clearly not a real play. Just a story on the internet.

And maybe if I put in some fart jokes and massive gimmicky jpegs then Discoballs would enjoy it more.

NEXT.


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Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong

I like it!

It will be on broadway!

Stick with me kid, and ill make you a star!


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Tell me how he died.

I will tell you how he lived.

The 10 minutes of silence was hilarious.

Team_180B wrote:

Steve: Ahh not much man, Kevin and I were just about to kiss.

proof


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Lifes a garden, so dig it.

Team_180B wrote:

Wasman wrote:

it has potetial. if it had an all star cast then it outa rank up with the best of em. But most plays these days tend to have more then one scene, and you know... stuff... but meh.

Well you see it's quite clearly not a real play. Just a story on the internet.

And maybe if I put in some fart jokes and massive gimmicky jpegs then Discoballs would enjoy it more.

NEXT.

OOOHHH! Were you born angry or did a succession of failures leave you bitter and disheartened. Fart jokes would not help this nor JPEGs. What would help it is jokes and good writing, thanks for coming out.


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It's a subtler form of humour, it isn't supposed to have jokes. I'll have to explain.

What makes it funny is that it would make an awful play that would not be funny. It would have been easy to make fun of President Bush or the OC but sometimes you have to mix it up from your average and painfully obvious sitcom-style of writing.


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Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong

I agree my writing is not as top notch as it could be. You don't have to hurt feelings................................ (play everybody hurts by REM)


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Discoballs wrote:

I agree my writing is not as top notch as it could be. You don't have to hurt feelings................................ (play everybody hurts by REM)

I meant 'you' in a more general sense. "Your garden variety wacko" does not imply ownership of said wacko.


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Bigger Than Big, Stronger Than Strong